The 'Wagon' is a Funny Thing

In an attempt to get better at 'getting back on the wagon', I have been to the gym the past 4 days in a row!  Will I stay on the wagon this time...who knows!  I may still be 'playing the game'...so hard to tell anymore :(. 

I did do something stupid this weekend...or maybe it was genius!  Stupid or not, I'm pretty sure it can be viewed as obsessive...but I am what I am dangit!  I joined, well, I guess a second gym...yes, memberships at 2 gyms...uggggh!  I have a thing about using all the services I pay for...so, maybe that is all part of my master plan!  Is there a method to my madness?!?  We shall see......

A commitment to 2 gyms...HAHAHAHAHA

Crossing my fingers that it works :-)

OH, I almost got on the scale the other night...I wanna weigh myself sooo bad!  I will NOT weigh in again until the end of October...I hope ;-).

Turns Out...I'm Actually Pretty Good At This Game

The other day (and by that I mean two weeks ago) I was asking myself why in the world my one 'bad day' keeps turning into another and another.  Everyone is allowed a 'bad day' right?  Yes, that includes me!  So, I didn't feel bad the first day...or three.  Plus, everyone says, just let yourself have a bad day, then get right back on track the next day...HA!  Liars!

I really did have an excuse for every day of the week.  However, in the interest of keeping up with my "Commitment" issues, I decided to dig deeper.  Then it hit me...I really am good at this game...OK, I'm not as good as I used to be :(.  I can call myself out...so, I did.

My daughter left the country for 8 months...I'm allowed to be depressed!  I had a birthday (I love my birthday!)...I'm allowed to party and enjoy being young and carefree, even if I like to stretch my birthday celebration out over a few weeks :).  My van (and only vehicle) is having 'issues' right now and it's just not safe to drive to the gym...and so on, and so on!  Point is...Shit Happens!  Everyone knows this...

I know I haven't been to the gym in a week. I also know I was doing really good, I felt really good, my clothes is really big on me and people are really noticing (and telling me about it!).  Ah-HA...SABOTAGE! :(

WHY!? Why can I not get past this point already!  Dangit! 

I will attempt to get back on track today...will I succeed?  I am tired, stressed, busy...all that other stuff.  But, I am going to the gym after work...I AM!

Oh, You Mean This is Something I Have to Keep Working on???

Having a bad day...a couple of bad days...ok a bad 8 days!  Can't put my finger on it, but there was definitely something different about the month of August.  Why was my commitment (you know, the one I didn't quite keep in August) so much easier to 'try' to keep??  September...not so much! :(

Ok, here is where I tell you that I have a real 'psychological' issue with people noticing that I'm loosing weight.  Ikr...how can it bother me that people notice and compliment me...omgoodness, isn't that the point!?!  I have had many a conversations with myself regarding this little issue of mine...yea, myself doesn't get it either so she's no help! 

This is no doubt the reason that I have been on this yo-yo for all these years.  I get to a certain point, start to really see a difference, start getting nice compliments and words of encouragement from people....and that's it!  It's like I put the car in reverse! :( 

I only just identified this 'issue' of mine a couple years ago...yes, I said years :(...and I have stopped asking why...I don't even know that I care why anymore! I just want to push through this part once and for all!  This year I decided that I would start telling anyone that would listen about this issue I have discovered I have (that poor lady on the bus).  Maybe if I get it out there, let people know what a weirdo I am, it would somehow make me wanna not sabotage myself when I get to this point. 

Is it working??  Not at this moment, no...it is not!  One day at a time, right...that is what I said...right??

Sooo, for this day...I will make good food choices and do some form of exercise...I WILL!

One More Month...Maybe or Maybe Not

I felt so good about my decision to extend my commitment another month...yesterday!  Today, not so much :(...maybe it's because I now realize that it will be almost impossible to go every single day with our one car situation.  I won't always have a ride on nights that Angel works (can't depend on Debbie this month because she's back in school and has a bizzillion jobs and I don't know how she goes to the gym at all!).  Maybe it's because my wonderful husband put me in a very bad mood this morning.  OR maybe it's because I saw a picture of myself last night that made me wonder WTH I am even going to the gym for...yuck!  Yea, that's probably what it is...I hate myself in pictures! 



FAT FACE!



A whole month later and I still see no change in my fat face!  My clothes are big on me, my feet and hands have even lost weight.  What is the deal with my fat face!?!  OMG, what if I get skinny and still have a FAT FACE!  Wait a tic...maybe I need to re-think this!  Just kidding...I was just trying to find an excuse to go get a donut from the office kitchen ;-\.  (Donut Fridays are hard!)

Is it enough to say that I will go every day possible??  Maybe I can commit to doing some other form of excercise on the days that I can't make it to the gym...that is totally doable.  BUT that would be a whole new commitment!  Uggggh...this is just crazy talk!  I am not ready for that kind of commitment...NO, I don't care what you say, I am NOT ready!

Ohmmmmm.  I will just take it one day at a time...for today.

I Failed Again...or Did I??

The bad news is that I failed at my commitment to the gym every day for the month of August.........ok, I'm choosing to put this as a very 'gray area' category :).  I went to the gym EVERY DAY for the first 26 days of the month.  We went camping on the 26th so I got up at 5:30am to get my gym time in before leaving town (who does that!?).  The 27th was spent floating the river and I got a really good work out that day...rowing that raft was no joke!  We got back in town early enough on the 28th for me to go to the gym, but I was so completely wiped out from the weekend, and super soar from rowing, that I did not go :(.  I went on Monday, the 29th, skipped the 30th and went the 31st.

My point here is that I only skipped a few days!  I did better than I ever have before, so that's something... right??  Today is the 1st...a new day, a new month...I will try it again!  Yea, I said it...I am gonna try it again!

Other than my birthday, I don't see any other reason why I can't go every day this month.  So...here we go...